Somebody Help Me!
A police officer who can't find romance because of his appearance murders women who reject him.
A cop who is so ugly he can't get a date kills women who turn him down.
Two policemen—Bert, the unattractive but sincere one, and Charlie, the handsome-but-married one, think Inez is the prettiest woman they have ever seen. But when she refuses a date with Bert, saying he is homely, Bert makes sure she never sees his face again—he kills her. Finally, after murdering several other pretty women who turn down his invitations, Bert confesses to Charlie, the officer assigned to the case. But Charlie, who already has a suspect, doesn’t believe him.
CBS Radio Mystery Theater is a radio drama series created by Himan Brown that was broadcast on CBS Radio Network affiliates from 1974 to 1982, and later in the early 2000s was repeated by the NPR satellite feed. In New York City it was not aired by the then all-news WCBS but by its originating station, WOR, which produced and announced it as simply Radio Mystery Theater.
Wikipedia. CC BY-SA 4.0. Updated Jul 20, 2026.
“Somebody Help Me!.” CBS Radio Mystery Theater. Radio broadcast, October 22, 1976.
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